


Holy To Me

by icedcoffeebro



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Catholic Guilt, M/M, Song: Church (Fall Out Boy), Songfic, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 21:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20089369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedcoffeebro/pseuds/icedcoffeebro
Summary: If you were church, I’d get on my knees.





	Holy To Me

_If you were church, I'd get on my knees_

Sonny has never done this before. 

_Confess my love, I'd know where to be_

He never thought he’d get to a point in his life where he was comfortable enough to accept that yes, this is something he wants to do. 

_My sanctuary, you're holy to me_

Then Rafael came into his life. And he knew he was ready to face the music; to accept he likes men. 

_If you were church, I'd get on my knees_

And now here he is. In Rafael’s apartment, his bathroom, to be specific. 

_I'd get on my knees, I'd get on my knees_

He grabs his medallion from under his shirt. _Santa Lucía, Patron Saint of Italy._ A gift from Gina, straight from Vatican City. He seldom takes it off, but he favors the assumption Rafael wouldn’t like it for his mother’s saint to see what’s about to unfold.

_Take the pain_

He thinks of his confirmation. The first time he poised the idea that he might like men. All his priest had said was “God loves you.” He never knew what to make of this. 

_Make it billboard big and swallow it for me_

He wonders if this mere act will wash it all away. 

_Time capsule for the future_

However it goes, wherever Rafael and him go. He will always look back to this night with tenderness. 

_Trust me, that's what I will be_

He hopes Rafael feels the same way. 

_Oh, the things that you do in the name of what you love_

What does he feel for Rafael? He doesn’t know. He’s still learning he is allowed to feel something for the other man. 

_You are doomed but just enough_

Could he ever love the lawyer? 

_You are doomed but just enough_

Maybe, but he doesn’t know if he’ll love him back. 

_If you were church, whoo_

He looks at himself in the mirror. He focuses on his expensive suit. 

_I'd get on my knees, yeah_

He bought it thinking about Rafael. 

_Confess my love, I'd know where to be_

Yes, he could fall for the Cuban. 

_My sanctuary, you're holy to me_

Perhaps he is already. 

_If you were church, yeah, I'd get on my knees_

He licks his lips, the ghost of Rafael’s kiss still lingering. 

_I'd get on my knees, whoo_

Lust. Deadly sin. 

_I'd get on my knees_

He doesn’t care. 

_I'd get on my knees_

He’s ready. 

_I love the world but I just don't love the way it makes me feel_

Junior year of college. He got too close to a friend. Thought it could be more. 

_Got a few more fake friends_

He was wrong. 

_And it's getting hard to know what's real_

Wrong as in dropping out and getting into the police academy.

_And if death is the last appointment_

Looking back, he hopes going into the academy would fulfill his death wish. 

_Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room_

His patrol partner told him to tone it down. 

_I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom_

He doesn’t know what he meant. He opts for repression.

_If you were church, yeah_

Which turned impossible to keep on doing as soon as Rafael walked into the squad room on his first day. 

_I'd get on my knees_

Greed. Deadly sin. 

_Confess my love, I'd know where to be_

Fuck that. He wants Rafael to think of nothing but him. 

_My sanctuary, you're holy to me_

He wants to taste him, to learn that love is not a crime. 

_If you were church, yeah, I'd get on my knees_

He wants to do this as many times as it will take to be the best Rafael’s ever had. 

_I'd get on my knees, yeah, oh_

He’s always been an eager one. 

_I'd get on my knees, ah ah ah_

And he would do anything for Rafael’s approval. 

_I'd get on my knees, yeah_

He splashes his face with cold water. 

_I'd get on my knees..._

The divine image that’ll be Rafael’s dick keeps him hard. 

_If you were church_

And he doesn’t feel guilty. This is right. 

_I'd get on my knees_

He silently thanks Rafael for being his first. 

_Confess my love, I'd know where to be_

He couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather do this with. 

_My sanctuary, you're holy to me, you're holy to me_

Rafael knocks. Once for the Father. Twice for the Son. Three times for the Holy Ghost. 

_If you were church, yeah, I'd get on my knees, yea_

Sonny opens the door, and the view is so welcoming, he smirks; he could get used to this.

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: adarafabarba
> 
> Comment and kudos!


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